I get really teed off when folks who are supposed to be sophisticated and knowledgeable don’t know their ass from a hole in the ground when it comes to geography.

Just last week, I was planning a road trip to Hawaii when it occurred to me that on the way I should perhaps stop in South Carolina to see Mount Rushmore and possibly Nebraska to visit Yosemite. I called the Triple A (AAA) to find out the distance between these two points and the guy there told me that Yosemite’s in California.

Man, was I pissed! I wasted money on long distance to hear that? Haven’t these people at the Automobile Association of America taken Geography in school? You would think they would have, a kind of prerequisite for a career at the Triple A.

Another thing that really bites me in the ass is when somebody doesn’t know his or her directions. Last year I was driving north headed for South America when I stopped at a gas station to find out where the nearest motel was as I needed to rest before continuing on. The guy in there pointed toward the setting sun and said, “Go west 1.2 miles and you’ll run right into The Homestead Motel.” I felt like punching that guy right in the noggin for trying to pull one over on me. Everybody knows that the sun sets in the east.

The next time, I won’t bother asking the gas station attendant where the nearest motel is; I’ll just follow my great instincts!

Ricky J. Fico

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